Laugh Your Diaper Off

This is my first video upload, so hopefully I can make it work.  When people ask me how old my little boy is the next questions are usually about his development and how much he is interacting at this point.  At 4mo according to my board review book he should be: lifting up on hands, rolling front to back, no head lag if pulled to sitting position, reaching for objects, looking at his hands and working toward toys, and most of all laughing and squealing!  All of which he is on track for.  Everett has always been pretty active and cheerful.  Everyone asks if he is smiling and laughing.  This is still one of my favorite things, sometimes he gets laughing so hard that he cant stop and it turns into high pitch squeals of excitement. He is so happy and good natured.  I am such a lucky girl.

Pirate Pants and Bicycle Shoes

Everett is getting big so fast.  He is getting close to 5mo already!  Every day is a new adventure with him.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, healthy, beautiful little boy.  I am still trying to figure out how to put him in a bubble to keep him safe and how to make sure that he never out grows hanging out with me.  Right now this is our favorite outfit.  I found his comfy pirate pants in a little shop called Tart in Bozeman, Montana.  They are made by REcreate Designs.  His bicycle shoes are from Little Pitterpat.  I love them.  They are the only things I have been able to keep on his feet.

mom vs. medical school

i constantly feel like i am in a battle and spread thin.  i never knew how much i could be so completely, head over heals, in love with anyone (aside from my wonderful husband) until Everett.  every smile he gives me feels like the most precious gift and every time i walk away from him to study it breaks my heart a little.  i am wrapping up year 2 of medical school.  i have one exam left and then the first step of boards and i have never had so much doubt in my life.  it is something that every woman faces: career or family.  i know, we can have both but medicine is more than a career, it is a life, you have a life in medicine.  i have made many sacrifices up to this point and it is really just the beginning.  the next 5 years would be filled with long work hours and very little family time.  so i look at the road ahead and wonder, is that what i want?  do i really want to sacrifice seeing my little boy be a little boy?  when i finish residency he would be starting kindergarden and i will have missed it.  someone else will see him walk for the first time, talk for the first time, tuck him in at night and get to dry his little boy tears.  people think i am crazy for thinking about "quitting" medical school.  i have worked very very hard to get here but i guess i dont look at it like quitting.  i look at it like a choice of how i want my life to look.  i have proven to myself i can do this, it is a matter of whether it is right for me and my family at this point.  i wanted a year off of school, so that Everett could be a little older when he started school but that was not encouraged at the time.  would i have huge regret for quitting?  would i get bored at home once the kids are all in school?  the thought of being bored seems so foreign, i cant imagine not finding a thousand things to do.....

for now i am starting my day of studying.  we have our routine (for now).  i play with Everett from 5:30-7:30am, go to school and study from 8-6 and rush home to get 2 more hours in with him before bed time and a few more hours of study.  not nearly enough time with him but it will have to do for now.  so this morning i left my sweet smiling boy in the arms of his wonderful grandma, i am such a lucky girl.

Morning Play Time

2 months... and a half!

There are so many things to update on and so little time these days.  I have been studying for the first step of medical boards, which happen between second and third year, and trying to still be a good mommy.  I am putting in about 9-10hrs at school and then I head home for a little dinner, feed Everett, bedtime (my favorite) and then a few more hours of studying.  I feel like I am missing way too much time with my little one.  It is hard to feel like I am doing a good job anywhere sometimes.  I feel like a bad medical student when I take time out to be with my family and I feel like a terrible mom when I spend all day away studying.  I am lucky to have such supportive family that is helping to make sure Everett is getting love and attention while mom is away all day.  I want to update my posts on everything that has been happening (mostly a ton of study and a lot of debate about what next), but for now here is my sweet little boy.  Already almost 3months old.  He is getting big way too fast, already busting out of those 3mo onesies.  Everyday is a new adventure with him and I look forward to all of the fun he has in store for us!

this moment

{this moment} - "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see."

this moment

{this moment} - "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see."

lunch breaks with my superhero...

Spending all day inside studying is a lot easier for me when it is winter, ie dark, cold and generally unpleasant.  But it is weeks like this one that make being trapped at a desk seem like punishment.  It is summer time in the southeast and beautiful out.  Not too hot yet and clear blue skys.  I am trying to find balance between studying for my boards and being a new mom.  When I am with Everett I am worried about studying (ok to be honest he makes me smile so much I can easily forget about everything else in the world) and when I am studying I feel like a bad mom.  Right now I get up at 5am and feed him and we play a little.  Then from 8-12pm I study at school.  As soon as 12pm hits I rush home to my smiling little boy and immediately wrap him up in my arms.  I really cant get enough of him.  The lunch hour flies by and then we do it all over again.  Going back to school and leaving him is so hard but I feel so lucky every time I get back home.  Today we sat on the porch and giggled while we practiced our superheroing....